I Wrote a Short Story...

I wrote a short story in my personal style of multi-lined poetry-esque writing. As all this really happened to me, ( some of it while I was writing ) its hard to know, if it will make sense to someone who didn't experience it. But I guess that's what friends and the internets are for... to let you know how much things do or don't make sense. Without further ado...

REMOTE DEMON SLAYERS IN THE NOW TELEGRAPHED FROM DREAMS 3 WEEKS OLD

--------------------------

so I dreamt this before

( a couple weeks ago )

and today 

it happened

but 

in the dream

things made sense

I mean

they didn't make sense

exactly 

at the time

( it being a dream and all )

but 

at least 

the feeling was right 

and everything happened

in the right 

order

so here's how it went in the 

DREAM

I was in the basement

reading lyrics

on my computer

from this band 

Field Report

when I felt this strong sense 

of someone behind me

so I turn around

and this girl is there

this girl I hung out with a couple times

we used to share a love 

of the game tetris

one time we even played it 

until 5am

she's someone I haven't thought about

in ages

but there she is

and she's concerned

like she wants to know if I'm alright

and I'm glad she's there

I feel glad she's there

and everything

does

it all feels ok

because she's there

and then 

I wake up

but here's how it went today 

in

REALITY

there's this girl

this girl I hung out with a couple times

one time 

I even tried to kiss her

after we played tetris until 5am

she's someone who I haven't thought of

in ages

she messages me today

and asks if everything is ok

and it was

it all felt ok

and I don't think anything of this

her messaging me that is

but then 

this evening

I was in the basement

reading lyrics

on my computer

from this band

Field Report

when I felt a strong sense

of someone behind me

so I turn around

and no one is there

the girl 

is definitely not there

she lives in Colorado now

but then I remember

the dream

or deja vu

or other reality

everything comes

flooding back

and I remember 

that she messaged me 

earlier today

asking if everything felt ok

and now 

even later in the evening

I still don't feel anything bad

yet

so I write her 

a long-ish note

explaining all this

because it all seems so 

interesting 

like the dream was happening

but at the same time

kind of not

anyway

its around 1am

when I message her

but I don't hear back 

I assume 

she's asleep

and

time passes

...

....

.....

an hour or so goes by

I find myself 

randomly looking through my old music ideas 

on my computer

when I come across a file

the first song 

or idea of a song

my ex-girlfriend and I wrote together

I listen to it

and all the guitar

and keyboards

and drum beats

and sounds

pull together

reverse weaving memories 

that draw an intenseness out of me

suddenly

I remember the night we wrote it

I remember what I felt

all the hope

and the internal smiles

and unchecked

anticipatory passions

and us sitting and talking

and I check 

the creation date 

on the file

and its from the night we kissed 

for the first time

all these memories 

and hopes 

of perfect futures

painted like fairy tales

I just wasn't good enough to draw 

the correct endings to

all come flooding back

right when I was doing so good 

these last couple weeks

with hardly any thoughts

of destroying myself

and I feel 

I'm just going to bottom out hard again

when I remember 

the dream

where the girl was standing behind me

making sure I was ok

but I hate it

and I damn everything

because she's 

not 

she's not actually here

I hate it because

there's no one actually here

I'm so confused

it all seems out of order

it seems like I should've gotten sad first

and then I should've been reading the lyrics

and then she should've been there 

behind me

( at least with a message 

since she's in Colorado and all )

making sure I was ok

making it ok

just like in the dream

instead of the reality

where she asked if I was ok

earlier today

before I wasn't ok

before 

I bottomed out

like I am

bottoming out 

right now

so I decide I'm going to write this about it

right now

this 

what you're reading

in order to stem my heart dives

in my protocol sheet 

I made about my depression

writing is something that can 

break the heavy dark waves as they come

before they're unmanageable

but while I'm writing 

this 

what you're reading

right now

the girl

the girl in Colorado

the girl I thought was asleep

is messaging me:

"wow that is weird 

I probably shouldn't be reading 

or responding bc 

I'm driving"

and now I'm beginning to realize

this moment

this could be the moment

when she is looking over my shoulder

making sure I'm ok

10 more minutes have passed now

the black blanket in my mind has lifted a bit

and she's messaging again:

"ok now I'm not driving. 

that's an interesting dream/déjà vu thing 

and yes makes sense 

but not lol"

my mood lifts

I'm feeling ok

and I feel the rest of the night

I'm going to be ok

and I won't have to battle demons

alone tonight

so I start filling her in 

on WHY

I need her protection 

tonight

of all nights

why she was missed so gravely 

after I listened to the song earlier

when I looked behind me

and she wasn't there

she's typing:

"glad I was there to check you were ok"

and then: 

"oh geez. 

I was messaging u 

sitting in my car 

in my parking lot 

got cold and came inside. 

put my phone in my pocket quickly

for 15 seconds 

while I was walking into my house 

and just now

when I pulled it out 

tetris had opened 

I haven't touched 

my tetris game on my phone 

in 6 months"