So this is what I'm working on now: Eliminate any possible past or futures that are negatively effecting my present, my NOW.
I learned a trick which works really great for this. When I find myself getting upset because of projections or memories or regrets, I simply ask myself 2 questions:
1. What are you feeling NOW?
The first question has to do with the moment. What am I feeling right this second? What I want to be feeling is happiness or whatever my version of 'happy' is. So if I'm not feeling happy or content or positive, I determine how I'm feeling and then move on to the 2nd question.
2. Is there anything missing?
Why am I feeling like I'm feeling and how is it messing with my NOW? What is missing that I am not happy or content? Then I go through a list of things.
For instance: I inadvertently start a fight with my special lady on Taco Night about attention that I feel I've been missing (past) and attention I feel like I should receive (future).
These regrets or negative projections are simply past and future poisons. I can't go back in "time" and add the attention I was missing and by focusing on negative things yet to come or uncertainties I am simply making myself miserable thus causing a fight and totally messing up my present, my NOW.
Ahhh my NOW… what really IS my NOW?
My NOW, Taco Night, should've been a blast! (I mean how can you mess up Taco Night?!? There was even Patron… I'm big stupid.) In fact, after stripping away the illusions and tricks of the past and future, most situations are not inherently bad, they're actually pretty good. Even during the mundane, I become more attuned to my present circumstance which creates a kind of wonder that brings pleasure and happiness. I am walking and begin enjoying the weather (no matter what weather it is). I am driving and begin to enjoy the music I'm playing in the car or the response of the vehicle to the slightest movements of the controls.
Without the past and future gremlins mucking things about, life begins to really open up. But just like anything, it takes practice. I'll still have my fair share of ruined NOWs while this new line of "thinking" becomes more automatic.
At least the next Taco Night will be safe :)
-The New Loud
I think you should be able to talk to your significant other about how they've made you feel and your concerns for the future. The nature of how you do it might be what's causing the escalation. That, or she doesn't like communicating.
ReplyDelete*Source: 10 years strong with my wife.
Exactly, Johnny! You hit the nail on the head:
ReplyDelete"The nature of how you do it might be what's causing the escalation."
The nature in question is essentially my mind forcing the past/future illusions on the present leading me to become first rejected then frustrated then angry and finally sad/depressed. But what was giving me all that negativity in the moment, in the NOW? Nothing. It was just the illusions playing tricks.
I can definitely communicate accurately what I'm "feeling" in the moment, but how do you accurately communicate a feeling triggered by a memory filtered through the mind which keeps or throws out whatever it decides? And why am I trying to communicate said memory anyway? Because I was worried about a specific future scenario which hadn't even happened yet. (WHEW!!! I just wore myself out just writing about it - LOL)
No wonder why a fight started :)